Tuesday, December 8, 2009

If I ever need a reminder of why I love my husband, make me read this post...

I never saw myself as the 'marrying type'. Growing up I didn't fantasize about my wedding, or envision my life as a married woman. I have always been fiercely independent, not wanting to rely on anyone but myself. After Isabella was born, I dated a little, but as she morphed into a toddler, I found myself being really comfortable with the idea of it just being me and her, together always. I didn't need a man, didn't want one. Just thought I'd have a 'friend' around, so as to not always have to rely on a BOB. And then I met Rob. And found myself wanting to share my life with him.

Recently he got in a Facebook shit fest with a woman who insisted as the wife, she is automatically, always RIGHT. That got Rob going, and at one point in the exchange, he wrote this about our marriage:

I thought the JOP at our wedding said it very well; it's not about who is up and who is down, nothing to do with being even. That's impossible. So the best way to surpass the notion that one spousal partner is in a stronger position is to think that way. Financial earning power has nothing to do with this balance either, because if a marriage is going to work both partners contribute something meaningful that goes beyond money. I make more money than Mira at the moment, but she raises our children most of the time and cleans my underwear. And she works weekends to get our ski passes, to which I also contribute by raising the children while she works. So what she does, even though it doesn't bring actual money in, has tremendous value. I think the bottom line is that both partners work together to become greater than the sum of their parts in a successful marriage. And eventually I suspect that once the kids are in school Mira will probably earn more than me because she's ambitious and smart and has boobs and in my profession even the really good engineers top out at around 100k-125k. I have no problem with that because like I said, it's not about keeping it even.

I so needed to hear that. There are times when I feel like my time, my work, is less valued because there is little to no monetary value attached to it. To know that my partner values our life machinery, and what we both put in to make it work was exactly the balm I needed. And the bewbs comment was Rob's snark :) But really, his comment showed me how my husband truly lives our vows, day to day. It was a gentle, loving reminder for me to have that same faith. In the months after our wedding, I often felt like being married was like walking through the world in a hug, silently supported in love. I had forgotten that feeling, and his words brought it back for me.

From our vows:

Will you love and respect her, be honest with her always, and work by her side to achieve the things you both value and dream of, so you can genuinely share your lives together?

...my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.

I will love you through good times and bad times, through joy and through sorrow. I will be understanding, and trust in you completely. Together we will face all of life's experiences and share one another's dreams and goals. I promise I will be your equal partner in a loving, honest relationship.