Sunday, March 29, 2009

About Me - On Becoming a Human Being

I am a human doing. For almost all of my 30 years on this earth, my self worth has been wrapped up in what I do, and how well I do it. I have been the anti-zen. Never able to sit and BE - not in silence, not in my own skin, not in my own life. I always had to DO, something. Just answering the "about me" questions, I have not the vaguest idea how to answer that. Who the hell am I anyway? I can tell you who I am in respect to what I do; I ski, I ride, I knit. But recently I am begining to find things that I just am - I am a mother, I am a yogini. And what I find interesting is that although I have been a mother for more than 5 years now, it is only now that it is something that I am becoming - not something I do. At some level, I feel that in birthing Isabella, I was reborn into a different person, as her mother. And then when Bridger was born, I had to relearn how to be a mother and myself again. Because being a mother of two is very different that being a mother of one. That is why I am so grateful that I have returned to yoga in the past few months. I think that yoga has taught me to be present in a moment, to live that particular moment, and be, present. To find stillness in movement, and movement in stillness. To live with compassion, for myself, and for others. Because we are all just doing the best we can in that moment. And as I become more of a being, that is ok.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Beginning

So, I've never blogged, or journaled, or anything of this sort. This feels, a little foreign. But never the less, it's always good to try to new things. So here I begin.

Omnicron Ceti is the star I am named for. It is a variable red super giant in the constellation Cetus. I've never seen it, as it is in the southern hemisphere. My father was studying astrophysics when I was born, and so I have a celestial name. It fits. Did I grow into it, am I in flux because my namesake is? Or did I come with this constitiution, and it is nothing more than a happy accident that we match. After all, I know a few dark haired Bianca's.