behind my eyelids

Lie images, sounds, the should-haves, ever present. Steam appearing from a vent. Bubbling concealed blood in a cold throat. My daughter's lower lashes as they moistened with tears, her dignity as she stood and declared, 'i need a moment to collect my thoughts'. 7 year old thoughts. How many times every day do I make choices, so seemingly innocuous, only to find each weighs heavy with implication. I never want to choose again. I wish to be motionless, impactless, unknown and unseen. I want to scrub the back of my eyelids clean.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Farm Share Weeks 9 & 10

Well, I'm only catching up on one week. A vast improvement on last month, no? We take what we can get around here.

So, Week 9 - August 2nd. Table looks naked, right? No bulk for the first week in quite a while! I did have a back-up of corn however, so Rebecca and I made some FREAKIN' FABULOUS Sweet Summer Corn Relish which is only slightly better topping a veggie burger with country catsup than it is straight out of the jar on a spoon.

Baguette, Lettuce, Zucchini, Cukes, Corn, Green Beans (which became Dilly Beans), Tomatoes, Kale,  Melon, Blueberries

Ingredients for the Corn Relish - it was really lovely to look at.

After cooking in the brine, ready for the jars.

Theo and Bridger making mischief while the Corn Fest goes on.

Finished product. Sweet nommyness!

I also took some pictures at the depot last week. I LOVE walking into the depot, the sights, smells, the wonderment of what we may be getting, it renders me squeaky and bouncy. Literally a kid in a candy shop.

Bread and Chef Share - the herbs were three varieties of basil bundled together. The smell. Oh Lord, the smell.

Walking up to the pick-up.

Beets, the color was really lovely.

Fruit Share Table

Some of the veggie choices

Corn!

Take Table

Our inappropriate Eggplant. Yes, some people might see that and think, oh, a nose, a mitten. Me? I think something else...

Week #10 - August 9th. Back to bulk. The end of pickling cukes, and peaches. There will be Quicker Kosher Dills, Cucumber Relish, Bread and Butters, and as many quarts of peaches in syrup as I can manage by the end of this week. In other news, I am officially joining the Farm Direct Coop's team at the Salem Depot. I am beyond thrilled. Woot!

Mammoth Take today - Corn, Carrots, Kale, Celery, Lettuce, Eggplant, Peppers, Summer Squash, Tomatoes , Green Peppers, Hot Peppers (squee!), Baguette, Cheddar, Gouda, Watermelon, Peaches.

40 pounds of peaches, 10 pounds of cucumbers. Goodness to come...

Seismic Activity

The earth is moving beneath my feet. Sand flows through an hourglass. Shifting, tremors. I do not know where or how I may land. I carry with me my light within, my breath, my hope. I pray. Love is greater than fear. Act out of love.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

In Which Mira Catches Up On Farm Share and Canning Activities...

So, I've been back from our week on the Cape for oh, like 5 weeks now. So the "I'm still catching up from vacation" excuse is no longer valid. So here it is - the epic, ridunkulous, bad-blogger catch-up post.

Vacation week (June 28), my wise, wonderful, ever-giving friend C picked up my share, froze berries for me, and packed up the hardy veg, which was wonderful when we returned.

Quart Strawberries, Pint Raspberries, Garlic Scapes, Shelling Peas, Cucumbers, Lacticino Kale, Chard, Salad Turnips

July 5 - I ordered the last flat of strawberries, and also upgraded to a Large Vegetable share. With the strawberries I made more of the Strawberry-Mango-Chamomile syrup, Strawberry Butter, Strawberry-Lemon Preserves, and Classic Preserves.

Strawberries, raspberries, summer squash, fennel, red-leaf lettuce, kale, cucumber, focaccia, goat cheese

First attempt at pickles - pretty yummy!

July 12... More bulk berries, raspberries. Made raspberry jam, using apples for pectin, and raspberry preserves. Nom. A friend also organized getting peaches from the south - made some pretty amazing peach butter, and peach-mango-raspberry butter. Canning with friends is pretty fun. I do love my late night jam sessions - meditative.

Baguette, Focaccia, Raw Cheddar, Summer Squash, Cukes, a GORGEOUS tomato, Corn, shelling peas, carrots, kale, lettuce, raspberries, and the bulk flat of raspberries

Raspberry preserves

Peach butters before they became themselves

the color... blood and life and lovely

My sister's childhood best friend, and alternate-universe version of who I might have become had I taken different paths, came over to make cheese, and brought black trumpets she foraged herself. She gave me a great recipe for ravioli. Nom.

With sage butter

July 19... More bulk berries - a flat of raspberries, a flat of gooseberries, and a half flat of currants. I wasn't really sure about the currants, but was feeling adventureous. SO GLAD I did - raspberry-currant jam is a total MOUTHGASM. I can not stress this enough. Party in the mouth, a necessary item for all. I canned with Rebecca, and we discovered that 1) five flats of berries is an ALL DAY job 2) gooseberries in syrup is teh awezome.

Roasted Garlic Sourdough (makes awesome veggie bread pudding),  green beans,  summer squash, cukes,  onions, garlic, corn, gooseberries, raspberries, blueberries. Bulk raspberries, gooseberries & currants.

Raspberry-currant Epiphany

Part of the epic Rebecca & Mira cannapalooza day

 July 26... Bulk blueberries - blueberry lavender rhubarb jam is boss. It also makes not very much jam. And I have no more rhubarb frozen. Wah. 

Baguette, Burratta (YUM), blueberries, tomato, cucumbers, peppers, squash, eggplant, corn, kale, bulk blueberries

Pick-your-own

A midnight foray of  blueberry-lime jam, blueberry-lavender-rhubarb jam, and  kosher dill pickles

So there it is! Caught up. I've been busy :-) And full. And loving food. And loving the friends who I create a community with, who feed me with their love, so I can do the same.

Forgiveness, Love, Truth

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

~ Mary Oliver

Running Lessons, or How Everything is Really Yoga

My legs are mismatched. They look like each should belong on different bodies, not emanate from my pelvis together. The left is the stronger, more structurally sound of the two. Longer by three quarters of an inch, my left leg hangs down a plumb line, ankle stacked below knee, arch of my foot strong and curved. My right leg is in a state of perpetual external rotation, so when my two feet point forward in neutral, my right knee cap points in at at an odd angle. The tibia and fibula curve out in a more pronounced fashion. The arch of my right foot is flatter than it's partner, and collapses as I walk. I can hold standing balancing postures as long as I like on my left foot, but the right, oh my. Not so much.

In the summer of 2006 I set out to become a person who liked running. Growing up I was the kid who walked the mile run in gym class. My bother ran track, and was very good, so naturally I could not be bothered to try knowing I wouldn't be as good as him. I had other talents, and sports, and as I chose a career training horses, I was not in need of a physical outlet. But by that summer, that had changed, I had a toddler, and a job pushing paper, and I needed to move, to have a space and time that allowed me to focus on the rhythm of my breath, to move in meditation, to quiet the screaming in my head. So one day I ran a mile. The next day I ran a little farther, and before long, I ran my first 5k with Kathryn, and was hooked. I ended up running a half-marathon in the fall of 2007, but during my pregnancy with Bridger had to stop running due to placenta previa, and just never got back to it. Until this June.

I'm the kind of person who needs a goal, so I signed up for 10k in September, a race I ran 5 years ago and loved, and have slowly been working my mileage up. Today I got new shoes, to accommodate that funky right leg, and therefore had to run the scheduled 6 miles in mid-day heat. It's hot today. mid-nineties, humid. It was a little not that smart. But I started, felt great for 3 and half miles, and then came to a BIG FUCKING HILL. By the top of that hill, I was blacking out, hearing the blood pounding in my ears, and eerily enough, felt cold and shivered. So I'd walk until I could see again, breathe and be with the panicky sick feeling of, But I still have 2 more miles until I'm home, then run until the world went dark. And repeat. This a skill my yoga practice has taught me, how to be with the uncomfortable, impossible feelings and spaces, and keep moving forward throughout, until the inevitable change comes. I've learned I am so much more than those feelings, that the truth within me is deeper, that I am strong, that I can will deadened limbs to move farther, to ride the waves of dizziness, and arrive where I intend, or be at peace with arriving where I am. That knowledge is power. 

Coincidentally, I still ended up with an average pace of 11:30, even though the last 2 miles were run/walk. Which is the other lesson learned - slow the fuck down in the beginning of a long run, Blondie!

Visiting a Friend

Strange walking through a cemetery I had not returned to in 13 years. It was so much larger than I remembered, and for a minute I was terrified I wouldn't find you. But I kept walking, and like some magnetic force was pulling me, I found your spot once again. I brushed the bits of lichen off your name, stunned you have been there long enough for that to grow. Watered the flowers with my tears, kissed the stone. I miss you, every day. And love you always.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8